Today, I went for a fried chicken rice dish at my familiar restaurant. Everthing is the same, the food still good, there the server, there the chef. At a moment, although everthing is the same, only myself is changing a little bit unconciously. I’m sitting alone, eyes on the street, “one chicken dish please”, I asked when glancing at the server. Alone - it’s what in my mind at that time. Not because I was sad or felt left out, I just think of it and remind of many things.
In Murakami’s stories, aloness is a common material where many characters choose to separated themself from the society, live in a countryside house or in rural forest. Most of the time, when they were at the lowest or mentally broke down. As Naoko in “Norwegian Wood” live in the “special treatment hospital” or Kafka (Kafka on the shore) being traced down by the police while in a middle of nowhere. Or the man in “A Wild Sheep Chase” who’s just blindly looking for a meaning of life, ends up in a isolated house. You know that the work also reflect the writer thought - maybe we could tell that inspiration in his past, Murakami used to own a cozy little bar.
Active isolation also metioned in the letters of Seneca. Evolving with more people will fade ourself and slowly affect ourself. Its better to streghthen, reinforce, spend time with ourself alone is much more crucial. However as part of social animal, agressively deny everyone around us is not a good idea. Learning from others, recognize their value attributes, avoid the bad ones are the advice when we were young, and actually those are true.
My feel lucky as I got myself a quite, comfortable space at home. Maybe something will change overtime - myself - or Im just illutional. Also I remembered the lesson from Stoicism, try your best on what I can controlled - thoughs and action, while letting go the external events. Thats give me a clearer target about what I could do.
The thing I am in charge: school, project, my social network. Therefore I should aim to get good grades, perform well on project, balancing my connection, helping my mom. Thats it. I can not change the AI evolution race that potentially replace my out there (haha poor me), or change the people emotion toward me. So just focus on within reach things.
P/S: At first, the blog was intended for tech or hobby . Haha seemlike I can only write about what I know more, is myself. Or its my disire to talk about me? Oh just realized that its meant for practicing writing in English. Forgive for my mistakes and please remember that English is my second language :((.